Lately I have felt so lonely. I have been in several situations with women my age where the conversation has led to the relief they feel of not having little ones to diaper, to keep up with, etc. And these women aren't just acquaintances. They are friends. Women who were having babies when I was. Women who homeschooled with me. Women who talked about having more babies. Now, like me, they have reached their mid-forties. Most of them have not had a baby for quite some time. I am the odd one with a 19 month old toddling around after me. And unlike them, I am wondering if my last baby is it and inside hoping and praying that she is not my last. Yes, my body is tired. Yes, I am out of shape. Yes, there are days that I am completely overwhelmed with the kids that I have. Yet, despite all those feelings, I still long for another baby .... for that wonderful moment when I realize that God has blessed us again. Fewer and fewer women my age feel that way. I am not pointing my finger at them or judging them in any way. I just am feeling sad and lonely that I have reached that point (age!) in my life where most women are done, mentally and physically. I don't like being the older mom! It is so much more fulfilling and uplifting to be around women who long for a new life growing within them. I pray that God will help me accept this stage of my life. If my youngest is my last pregnancy, I pray that I can still radiate, the joy of new life and have lasting memories of my young ones.